Diligence

One of the hardest things about being a parent is purposely allowing your child to suffer.

E is practicing her scales this morning. It became apparent at her last piano lesson that she has been playing them with the wrong fingering. This has been going on for a while, because there's not always time for her teacher to hear them in the course of a lesson. So she's been "practicing a mistake" as he says, and now she has a lot of repair work to do. She's learning first-hand that it's much much harder to fix a mistake than to take the time and effort to do it right the first time. She's also (hopefully) learning a lesson in diligence and perseverance.

It's very hard, and she keeps making mistakes as she goes. She doesn't particularly like doing her scales to begin with, so she is very unhappy about spending a sunny Saturday morning working hard on them. She had a little tantrum at the beginning, and so I sat down with her and cuddled, and explained that no, she can't quit piano right now, and yes, I understand that it's hard. I told her that it's probably even harder for her, because she's so bright that most things come very easily to her, and she doesn't have to work hard at things like learning to read and learning math, like many children do. I talked to her about how I had to learn how to cook when her daddy took a job that had a long commute, and how much I hated it (and still do, sometimes), but how much satisfaction I have in overcoming my dislike and gaining a new skill. I told her she'd be prouder of the things that came hard, than of all the things that come easy. Then I told her to do her scales.

Periodically she breaks down and cries. I want so badly to tell her to take a break, or to sit with her and count the proper fingering for her, or to let her off entirely. But I am letting her cry. I am letting her suffer. I am allowing her to experience what it is like to not want to do something so badly, and to make yourself do it anyway. I am allowing her to experience the overcoming and mastery of herself. She will be a stronger person for it, and so will I. Because I really really don't want to let her suffer. But I am making myself do it, anyway.